It’s A Garbage Morning


I went for my usual walk around the building. I saw a white van with an old, faded logo that I couldn’t read, on the side. I watched the driver go directly to the dumpster. He hopped out of the van and started moving what appeared to be extremely heavy bags of garbage from the back of the van, and struggled to lift them into the dumpster. I approached the van, and wrote down the license plate.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asked, in a tone that implied I had just kicked his dog in the face.

“I’m taking your license plate number.”

“Why?”

“Can I have your name please?”

“No.”

“Cool. I am writing down your plate info so I have something to offer the police if I have to call them to complain that you are trespassing.”

“I stayed here last night. I’m not trespassing.”

“Well, I just watched you drive up here. You aren’t a guest here. Please take your garbage back, and leave.”

He chuckled at that, and started dragging garbage out of his van again.

“Or, you can come inside, and we can discuss the fee we will be charging you for using our dumpster.” I continued.

He started laughing again.

“F*ck you.” He said, rather casually.

“So, we have to pay to have our garbage removed. We also need that dumpster for our garbage, and you are limiting the space we have for it.”

“I think you’re over reacting.”

“I think you want us to pay to dispose of your garbage for you.”

Most mornings, a Sheriff will drive around the property, and he just happened to be doing his rounds. I waved for him to come to where I was standing.

“You have some options. You can come inside, and we can discuss how much you will pay us to take your garbage, or you can take back what garbage you already dumped, or I can ask the nice sheriff to explain to you what trespassing means.”

The sheriff pulled up besides me, and the man suddenly began dragging the garbage back into his van.

“Good morning.” Said the sheriff. “How are things?”

“I apologize sir, I thought there was an emergency over here. It turns out I was mistaken. This gentleman is no longer dumping his garbage in our dumpster, and he will be leaving as soon as he finishes picking up what belongs to him.”

The sheriff nodded and drove away. I smiled at the guy with the van, gave him a wave, and walked back towards the front door. As I was walking, he started shouting profanities at me, and an old woman crossed my path. I looked at the woman, and shrugged.

“Jesus-f*cking-Christ! I hope you f*cking trip and split your skull open!” He said.

I looked at the surprised woman, and said…

“I think he needs a hug.”

Then, I walked back inside.

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