Your Smarty Pants Are Broken


A man called the hotel to book a room. I could tell he was calling from his car. His music almost canceled-out his voice, and I could hear honking. I hate talking to people while they drive. It’s not because I have any concerns about their safety. It’s because they are never prepared to give me information that they don’t have memorized, and can’t fumble around to search their wallets, because that’s where they keep the credit card that I need. After I get that credit card number, you can drive like an idiot all you want. He told me he needed a room for the night. “I have one two queen suite, and a single king suite available for a rate of one-hundred-seventy-four dollars, and I have a standard two queen wheelchair accessible room or a standard one king wheelchair accessible room for one-hundred-fifty-four dollars. “ I said.

“No. You can do better than that.” He said.

“Those are the rates, sir.”

“I am looking online, right now. There is a two queen suite for a-hundred-four dollars.”

“If you see a two queen room for a-hundred-four dollars, you are looking at a deal on a standard two queen room.”

“I want the two queen suite.”

“Okay, I just need your name, and credit card number to hold the room for you.”

“I want it for the price of the regular queen.”

“I can’t give you that rate for a suite. Do you have AAA?”

“Nope, I want you sell me the suite for a-hundred-four dollars.” He sounded so smug, like he was gonna prove something to me, and kill my ego.

“I can’t do that, but I can put you in a two queen standard; it’s a wheelchair accessible room, not that it matters, but people like to be told.”

“I’ll see you shortly, guy.” He chuckled as he disconnected the call. He never made the reservation through me, which meant he was going online to take care of it, and he was going to make me look like a fool. He was planning to laugh, as he watches me eat my shoes. Pass the hot sauce.

A beat-up, old, Cadillac parked next to the door. A man stepped out, wearing an old, dirty looking Raiders jacket He put on his sunglasses with gold frames, and sparkly, but probably fake bling, and walked inside. He was looking at me with a smirk on his face. “What up? Are you ready to give me that suite for real cheap?” He said.

“Oh, you must be the nice gentleman I spoke to a short time ago.”

“The one, and only.” He looked so proud of himself. He was on cloud-nine.

“I never had the chance to complete your reservation, earlier. I can do that, now.”

“It’s all good, my man. All you have to do is check me in. I got this. Go ahead and check your list again.”

I checked my incoming arrivals list. There was nothing there. Everyone was checked-in. “I don’t see your reservation here. Perhaps you made the reservation for one of our other four locations.”

“You must be screwing with me.” He said.

“No. I don’t see your reservation.” His smug expression turned mad.

“I just made the reservation. I can show you my confirmation number.” He was already holding his phone up.

“ I’m looking at the information on the reservation you have on this here phone. I am happy to tell you, you do, in-fact, have a reservation at this fine establishment.” I handed back his phone.

“See? I told you!” He was so excited to say that, he threw his hands in the air, like a champion.

“It’s for today’s date.” I watched his toothy-grin widen. “Unfortunately, this hotel is still doing business for Saturday, the 11th. We won’t switch to Sunday, the 12th until after three o’clock this morning. It’s one o’clock, which means we are still checking people in for Saturday. Your reservation clearly shows that you are checking in on Sunday. Your room is not ready yet.”

“What?”

“Your room won’t be ready until three o’clock in the afternoon… See you then!” I smiled, waved, then waited. His eyes were working overtime, darting left and right, as he tried to figure out where he went wrong.

“My man, you’re gonna have to cancel that, and make it for right now.” There was panic in his voice.

“I can’t. You paid in advance through a third-party. I am unable to alter the reservation. You know… Rules, and stuff.”

“But, I need it for right now.”

“I can make that happen, but I will have to charge you for, right now.”

“But, I already paid for it.”

“No you didn’t. You paid for a room, for Sunday. It’s still Saturday, according to our system. You haven’t paid us for a room, for tonight, yet.” He stared at his phone, like he was waiting for the reservation to correct itself, magically.

“I won’t need the room at no, damn, three o’clock in the afternoon.”

“Obviously, you do, because that’s exactly what you made the reservation for. It’s set in stone. So it is said, so it shall be. The internet Gods have made it so. Now, go in peace, my brother. We will welcome you with open arms, at three o’clock in the afternoon.”

Dumbfounded, is the only word I can think of to describe the expression on his face. The man who thought he was going to school me, just wasted his money. “My man, I need your help fixing this.” The hope in his voice rang clear, like a bell.

“I wish you would stop calling me that. Now, you will have to excuse me. I had four cups of coffee, and, well, coffee makes me gotta go. So… See ya.” I walked away from the desk. 20170212_041709.jpg

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