An old man, wearing his newsboy cap, and using a cane, walked over to me and asked me if I had any extra bottles of lotion. I gave him one. “Would you mind giving me a couple more?” He asked. How much do you want to bet he was planning to moisturize more than just his dry hands? I gave him two more bottles, and he slowly walked back to his room.
A short time later I received a call from one of the rooms next to him. “I’m trying to sleep, and the person in the room next to me is watching porn. It’s loud. Please do something.”
“Okay, I will call the room and ask them to turn it down.” I said.
I called his room. He didn’t answer. I called again. He didn’t answer. I called a third time, hoping with all my might, that he answers so I wouldn’t have to go up to the room. He answered, but never paused his porn; I could hear it playing loud and clear. “I’m sorry for bothering you, but I am getting complaints that the volume from your room is too loud. Can you please turn down your movie?”
“I don’t like being rushed.” He said. Then he hung up.
He shouldn’t take long, right? He’s like, 88 years old. He should get tired, and pass out soon. Right?
Within twenty minutes I received another call from his neighbor. “He’s still watching porn. Quite honestly, it’s getting awkward. I’m pretty sure he is yelling at his penis. I keep hearing him yell ‘Stand up straight, soldier!’ I would rather not have to pack up my things, and move my room. Please get him to turn it down.”She said. I called his room again.
“Hello?” He said. “Is this the front desk?”
“Yes, sir. I need to ask you to turn your volume down. It’s upsetting other guests.”
“Listen. I need you to bring me another couple of bottles of those lotions.”
“I’m sorry, I already gave you the last of what I had available. I’m afraid we are waiting for another delivery. I have to ask you to turn that down. Will you do that for me?”
“Would you be kind enough to run to the store for me? I need another bottle.”
I hung up the phone, and walked into the server room. I turned off the WiFi. The old guy called back. “My computer stopped working. I need you to come up here and fix it.” He said.
“Unfortunately, our internet stopped working. I just called the cable company and asked them to try to fix it. I’m sure it will be back up by morning.” I said.
“Now what the hell am I supposed to do?”
“Get some sleep. Have a great night.” I hung up.
I have to go scrub my brain with a wire brush, and scotch.