Your Cheating Husband Isn’t Even In This State.

The desk phone rang. I answered with the standard hotel greeting, but the woman cut me off before I could tell her my name. “Can you connect me to Dave Walters room, please?” She said.

“Do you know the room number of the person you are looking for?” I asked. I never connect people to a room just because they give me a name. I have to respect the privacy of every guest, and that means protecting the guilty when his wife is trying to catch him in a hotel with a woman who isn’t her.

“No, I’m his wife. It’s okay to just connect me. He’s expecting me.”

“Unfortunately, I can’t share guest information, especially over the phone. Did you try calling his personal phone?”

“I sent him some texts, and a voicemail, but I think his phone might be dead. I would really appreciate it if you would just connect me to his room.”

“I can’t look up guest information, and give it out over the phone. I don’t mean to be difficult, but I can’t look that information up for you.”

“I know he’s there. I have the confirmation number. Would you like it?”

“I will look in my system, and see if there is someone here by that name, and if he is here, I’ll call his room myself, and tell him you would like him to call you back.”

“I know he’s staying there… Dammit… Why are you protecting him?”

“We have rules here. I can’t just pass out information about our guests. You can contact his personal phone. I cannot do anything about his not answering you.”

“That son-of-a-bitch is cheating on me, and you are protecting him! You men are all garbage.”

I told her I was sorry that I couldn’t do more to help her, then I said goodbye, and disconnected the call. She called back immediately, and she was not happy that I ended the call.“Stop protecting him!” She said.

“I’m not trying to protect him, or keep secrets. I can’t give out information about guests.”

There was a short silence, then she yelled… “Just go to bed!.. I have to stay at home, and deal with the kids while he goes out with his secretary. Connect me to his room. Do it right now.”

“I’m sorry. I know you are very angry. I wish I could do something to help you, but I can’t violate the privacy rules…”

“I want to know how the hell he thinks he can drive to Syracuse, and be home in time to pick up my parents from the airport, first thing in the morning.”

“I don’t have that answer for you. How far is Syracuse from where you live?”

“We live about an hour away, in Fort Wayne.”

This has happened before. It’s maybe the third time I have gotten a call from someone in Indiana, thinking my hotel is in the Syracuse located there. Now, I really can’t look anything up for her. That guy might be in a hotel in Syracuse, but not this Syracuse.

“Isn’t that in Indiana?” I asked.

“Where else would it be?” If you look at a map, you will see very clearly that it isn’t in New York.

“Ma’am, you are calling a hotel in Syracuse, NY.”

“New York? Google is protecting him too!”

“You didn’t think the area code seemed odd?”

“Don’t mess with me right now. I gotta find that cheating asshole, and fuck up a bitches face.”

She hung up. There is a Night Auditor In Syracuse, Indiana who is about to have a very interesting morning.


This is usually what I look like when I’m on the phone with people.


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