I was stepping into the elevator to deliver bills, and I found an enormous smelly puddle of urine in the corner. Since I had to clean someones piss, I decided to make all 6 coffee pots with nothing but decaf. Have fun waking up today, assholes. I also didn’t put out any bacon; because screw those people. I only prepared turkey sausage. Everyone hates turkey sausage. Welcome to healthier choices, jerks. There will be no biscuits and gravy today. There is a Cracker Barrel next door, and they will happily sell you some. Who the hell pisses in an elevator?
Someone asked if there was bacon available. I made it for him, but I didn’t smile. Okay, I did, but I didn’t mean it.