Naked Biker Pool Party

November 22, 2015

I started my shift reading a note from the manager telling me he gave a biker group permission to use the dining room so they can gather after their event. To add on top of that, there are two teen hockey teams staying the night. I knew my shift was going to cause me stress. At 11:30, a guest staying in room 305 called me at the desk to complain about noise.
“I am staying with my son in 305, and the room above us is making a great deal of noise running around. We need to sleep, because we have an early game tomorrow.” She said, with frustration in her voice.
I immediately checked room 405, and I saw that the people in that room are also with the hockey teams.
“I will call the room and tell them to quiet down, now.” I told her.
She thanked me, and I immediately made the call to room 405. A kid answered, and I could hear the other kids laughing in the background. At the same time, a group of people wearing leather everything came walking through the doors with cases, upon cases of whiskey. And it begins.
“I’m receiving complaints from other rooms that you are being a bit too loud. Please be more quiet.” I said as politely as I could.
“Okay, sorry.” The kid said as he hung up his phone on me. I am going deal with this room all night, aren’t I?
With that call out-of-the-way, I received an outside call; it was one of the bikers.
“I’m with the Punishers, and your manager told me we could call to use your shuttle when we finished with our thing here.” He said. I could almost hear the whiskey in his voice.
I already checked the shuttle log when I arrived, and there were no shuttles in the book. I always hate when people call me saying that a manager promised them something, and I have no record of it.
“I’m sorry.” I said. “I do not see anything in the log book about a shuttle tonight, and I don’t have an available driver. I apologize if there was some scheduling confusion. Do you need me to call you a cab?”
“No.” He said. We can drive back, no problem, but I want to make sure we can still use the dining room, and pool.”
“That will not be a problem. Both rooms will be available for you.” I said.
“That’s all I needed to know. Thanks, brother.” He said. “I will see you shortly.”
“I look forward to it.” I said.
Within an hour of that phone call, I had about 100 bikers, over the age of 50, walking into the building, and they were all drunk, and loud, and very excited. I heard one of the guys say: “You are about to have one hell of a night, pal!” Everyone burst into laughter. I faked a big grin, and gave them all a thumbs up. That was when another guy approached me, ready to shake my hand. I accepted his gesture.
“I’m sorry ahead of time for any noise. If you have any issues with anyone, you just come to me, and I will take care of them.” He said. “We are all Cops and Firefighters, so if you have any issues with anyone, we will take care of it without question.” He said.

The dining room started filling with bikers, and the president for the local chapter puts $20.00 in my hand.
“We need access to the pool, and some sheets.” He said.
“I can open the pool for you if you want.” I said.
I took him down the hall, and I opened the door. I even propped the door open so there would be no access issues. Once I had the pool open for them, I went into the laundry room to grab some sheets; the guys immediately hung them over the windows so nobody could see inside the pool room from the hallway. This should get interesting. I heard a woman shout: “Pool party! Get your tits and dicks out!” I’m so glad they asked for sheets. Before I knew it, half of the people were in the pool, most of them naked, and all over 50. Surprisingly, most of the sagging boobs I saw were on the guys. I am so going to exercise more after seeing that.
The lady in 305 called the desk again to complain about room 405 still being loud. I told her I would go right into the room and tell them in person to be quiet. When I reached room 405, I could hear the boys behind the door, it sounded like a wrestling match in there. After they refused to answer my knocking, I used my master-key to let myself in, and I used my deep scary voice.
“Excuse me!” I said. All 4 boys in the room screamed like little girls. “I need you to be quiet. No more screwing around in here. Do you understand me? If I get one more call from someone complaining about you, and I am contacting your coach, who I am sure will not be happy with my waking him up at this hour. Do we have an understanding?” I said to the 4 boys who were now bug-eyed from the shock of my sudden entrance.
“Yes.” All 4 of them said in unison.
I looked at each of them to process the look of shock on their faces while trying not to laugh, because it was pretty hysterical to me, and I walked away, letting the door shut behind me. “Fuck that guy” I heard one of them say while I walked back down the hall. I will make you regret saying that, kid.
I returned to my desk. Standing there was a woman wearing a leather jacket.
“Do you have an extra towel? The ones in the pool are too small, and I got lots to dry off after swimming, if you know what I mean.” She said.
I just smiled, and grabbed her a bath towel while thinking to myself again: I so appreciate those sheets on the pool windows. It occurred to me that there actually might not be enough towels in the pool for all the people, so I grabbed a stack, and brought them over. When I walked in, everyone was in their birthday suits. I saw some people sitting at a table smoking pot, and there was a guy sitting in the far corner receiving a blow job. He gave me a thumbs up. I dropped the towels on an empty table, and got the hell out of there. Shit just got too real. I made it back to the desk, where I discovered a large round man, who looked like he could kill me with just his thumb, standing at the desk. He had 4 shots of whiskey lined up on the counter.
“You are such a good guy, have some whiskey with me!” He said, which a cheesy drunk grin on his face.
“I am really not supposed to drink on the job.” I said, as I grabbed the first plastic whiskey filled cup, and tossed it back.
Everyone who saw me cheered me on, as I quickly finished the other 3 shots. We all bonded during that moment. The man who gave me the shots shook my hand with pride.
“If you have any issues with anyone, just talk to me and I’ll set them straight.”He said.
The woman in 305 called back. I didn’t give her a chance to complain. When I answered her call I said:
“Hello, this is the front desk. Is 405 still acting up?”
“Yes.” She said.
“No problem, I am going to settle this now.” I said
“If this happens one more time, I will demand a room change.” She said. Sure, like there will be a better room where nobody will bother you. I got a hotel full of drunk, stoned, naked, geriatric bikers, and hockey kids who have no discipline. Good luck, lady.
I walked up to two of the biggest, scariest guys I could find who were still wearing clothes, and asked them to help me with those kids. Those two guys were happy to help. We walked to room 405, and I pounded on the door. One of the kids answered and I pushed the door open all the way.
“I got another complaint about you guys. This nonsense has to stop right now.” I said. The kids were staring at the two scary looking gentlemen on either side of me. I pointed at both of them as I continued. “These are my friends Spider, and Knuckles. They are with a group called “The Punishers”, as you can see from the lovely patches on their jackets.” I said. The jackets had skulls with fangs all over the front, and back. “These guys are going to remain available to help me keep the peace tonight. You can either choose to behave, and be quiet, or you can find out what their name means.” The two guys with me made the meanest faces they could, which didn’t seem difficult for them.
“Okay, we are going to bed now.” One of the kids said.
“Great. I will make sure your coach knows how cooperative you are being. Have a great sleep. I am leaving these guys a key to this room, just in case you have any difficulty sleeping.” I said.
The boys looked legitimately fearful of the very threatening looking bikers.
“Sweet dreams little buddies.” Said the man I called Spider.
I never heard another complaint about that room for the rest of my shift, and the bikers were remaining in the designated areas where they would not bother the other guests. For the most part, the concerns that I had about things getting out of control faded away, and the crazy bikers were fun to watch.
By 2:00 they finished swimming, mostly dressed, and regrouping back in the dining room, where they huddled together for some announcements. A woman stood up on a chair, and started calling out the winner of a raffle.
“Okay, and the person with the ticket numbered 527002, you win the $500 bucks!” She said.
A man jumped out of his chair, waving his ticket in the air, and claimed his prize. After he sat back down, and everyone stopped calling out his name, and clapping for him, the woman spoke again.
“Now we got this bottle of Jack to give out.” She said. We all had our chance to vote, and we have a winner!” Everyone was hooting and hollering in excitement. “The winner with the most votes for best tits! Come on up Sheryl, and claim your prize!”
Everyone cheered for Sheryl, and she happily walked up to claim her prize. Thankfully, Sheryl kept her shirt on. The crowd started to thin out after that. They might be party animals, but they are also getting old, and tired. People slowly either went to their rooms, or went home. I made $100 in tips from everyone who came to me to thank me for letting them “let loose”. I also get to go home with 2 pizzas and two medium-sized garbage cans filled with beer. The hotel stinks like weed.


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