Look Out For Those Key Bombs


November 11, 2015 12:00am

There were only four arrivals to be checked-in when I arrived to work. I was able to check-in the first two people very quickly. When the other two arrived, I had a bit more of an issue getting them checked-in within a decent amount of time. Both of my last two arrivals work for the same company. Checking them in should have been quick and painless, but one of the two gentlemen became difficult to talk to. The older of the two men walked up to the desk, and started the conversation.
“Hey, buddy. We should have reservations here. Margret made the reservations for us.” He said. Who is Margret? Margret does not work here.
“I’m unsure who Margret is, but I am sure I can get you both in your rooms without a problem.” I said to him.
There were only those two reservations left. I could easily put them both in their rooms just by asking them both their names. The rooms and their paperwork have already been prepared for them.
“Margret, she always makes our reservations.” He said, as if saying that should ring a bell in my mind.
I was in the process of opening the first of the two reservations when the man who was talking to me suddenly walked away. He walked to the left of my desk where we display the baked cookies for the guests. The tray was empty.
“I need your I.D., and your phone number please, so I can add that information to your reservation..” I said, as the man left the cookie display, and walked into the dining room.
“You’re out of cookies, buddy.” He said. Hello? Why are you walking all over the lobby, and not finishing the check-in process?
“Sir, if you wouldn’t mind coming back over here so I can finish getting the necessary information from you. I will be able to check you in much faster.” I said.
He spoke up from across the room while rummaging through the fruits, and grabbing himself a yogurt from the cooler.
“It’s okay buddy. Margret set it all up for us. Just check us in. It’s fine.” He said.
“I don’t actually know who Margret is, but I assure you, I need some more information from you before I can complete the check-in process.” I said.
The man ignored me, and walked further down the hall where I could no longer see him. I looked at his co-worker.
“Is he always this difficult to work with?” I asked.
“We take separate cars when we travel together. I can’t stand being alone with the guy.” He replied.
I decided to close the rude man’s reservation, and proceeded to check-in the second man, who stayed at the desk. He was very polite, and gave me all the missing information that I asked him for. Once I had everything in order for him, I gave him the paper to fill out, and sent him off to his room.
It took the first guy 10 minutes to return to me at the desk. When he saw that his co-worker was gone, he tossed his arms up in the air.
“Where the hell did he go?” He asked.
“I checked him in. He went to his room already.” I answered.
“So we’re good to go then?” He asked.
“I just need to fill in some missing information, and I also need to add your credit card to the reservation for incidentals.” I said.
“Don’t worry about that shit. Margret already took care of it.” He reminded me. Whoever this Margret person is, she sucks at making reservations.
Regardless of what the person named Margret did or didn’t do, the reservation was made as direct bill, which means we send the bill directly to the company that he is working for. He only has to put his credit card on file for incidentals. On top of that, when the reservations were made over the phone, the desk attendant did not fill in any of the guests personal information. I needed to put that information on the reservation.
“I understand that Margret set this all up for you, and most likely you were not involved in any part of making this reservation,” I said, just as he cut me off.
“Yeah, Margret takes care of this shit.” He said. I bet Margret dislikes you. I know I dislike you.
“Your personal information was not added to your profile. It will only take a moment for me to fill that information in for you. All I need is your driver’s license and a credit card to put on file for incidentals.” I said.
“You don’t need that shit. This is a company reservation. You’re billing the company, not me.” He informed me, as if I don’t know how this shit works. Why do people always want to school me about how reservations, and billing works?
“I assure you, this is standard practice. We are not going to send you a bill for the room. We only need the credit card to cover potential damage to the room.” I reminded him.
“Bullshit.” He said with his finger-pointing inches from my face. That finger looks very easy to break.
“No, this is not bullshit. I am not asking you to do anything out of the ordinary.” I said.
The man’s finger was still in front of my face. I took a step to my right. His finger followed. I bet it would make a neat sound, like a twig snapping in my hands on a cold Fall afternoon.
“You guys are going to bill me for a bunch of bullshit. I am not paying for what the company is supposed to pay for.” He said. I see. Not giving me a credit card means you can do anything that you want in that room without being accountable for it.
I didn’t want to argue with him. I did want to break his finger, but I chose not to, and handed him the paperwork to fill out. Once he filled out what he was willing to fill out, he handed me back the paper. I noticed he didn’t fill out any part of the paper that meant acknowledging the rules. He didn’t initial the section that says he agrees not to smoke in his room, which I am sure is why he refused to give me his credit card. I slid the paper back over to him.
“I just need you to initial here. It just says that you agree not to smoke in the building.” I said.
“Yeah, I know what it says. I don’t agree, and refuse to sign it.” He said, like a true asshole.
I was not about to let him pull that nonsense.
“Sir, this is a non-smoking building. You can’t just refuse to agree to that. You still cannot smoke in the building, even if you refuse to initial the acknowledgment.” I said.
“Buddy, I ain’t signing that part.” He said.
He shoved the paper back in front of me. There was nothing left for me to do, but have fun with him. People like him irritate me, and they need to learn how not to piss off the person who can make their stay the most annoying experience of their lives. I handed him the room key.
“Okay, sir. I am sure your employer can sort all of this out. Here is your key. Have a great night, and don’t forget that breakfast starts at six o’clock.” I said, with a grin.
The man took his key, and walked to the elevator. I waited until I could hear the doors close behind him, and then I took a new key-card, and reset his room key with it. When he puts his key in the door, all he will get is a flashing red light, and won’t be able to get access to the room.
It only took the man a few minutes to walk back to the desk. He was unhappy, but kept his cool.
“Hey, buddy. My key isn’t opening the door.” He said. No shit.
“I’m sorry about that. Perhaps there was a glitch. Let me reset that for you.” I said.
The man handed me his keys back, I reset them, and handed them back to him.
“It’s fixed now?” He asked. Only for a few moments.
“Yup. All fixed. Those keys should work just fine now.” I said, smiling.
He went back to the elevator. I reset his keys again. Oops!
A few minutes later, I heard the elevator return, and the man was back. This time he was more visibly irritated.
“My keys still won’t work.” He said.
“Wow. A second time? I can reset them again.” I said as I reached to take his keys back from him.
“Maybe the those cards are defective or something. Can you try using different cards?” He asked.
I agreed, and made him two brand new key-cards. The man left me once more, and headed on up to his room. I reset the keys again. I love that prank. People don’t often give me a good reason to screw with them like that, and I just can’t get enough joy from it.
The man promptly returned. He was pissed, and wasn’t about to take any more of my crap.
“Okay, pal, I don’t know what the hell is wrong here, but every time you make me a new key, I can’t access the room! How about you fix this shit so I can go to bed.” He scolded.
“Oh man, I am so very sorry this keeps happening. Did you maybe put the key-cards in your pocket with your phone? Sometimes phones interfere with the magnetic strip on the card.” I said.
I took his keys and reset them again. When I finished, I slid them in front of him. He slapped his hands on top of them and slid them off the counter. He gave me a nasty look, and started to walk away. When he got to the hallway, he stopped, and looked back at me.
“If this doesn’t work, I’m coming down to beat the shit out of you.” He threatened, and I smiled back at him.
“Sir, if those keys don’t work I will go upstairs and open the door myself with my master-key.” I said.
He pointed that finger at me again. He meant business. “I’m serious. I will kick your fucking ass.” He threatened again.
I smiled, and nodded.
“Sleep well, sir.” I said.
He took off again, and I left his keys alone. I did, however, check the rooms on either side of him. Those two rooms were both empty. In fact, most of the rooms on his floor were empty, and his co-worker was on the floor below him. I went to his floor, and entered the room to the right of his door. There is a wall between that man’s bed, and the television in the room next door to his. I turned on the television, and let the volume go all the way up. I quickly returned to my desk.
The phone eventually rang. The man, who pissed me off had a noise complaint. Well, isn’t that just inconvenient.
“Whoever is in the room next to mine started watching television. Can you please ask them to turn the volume down. I can hear it through the wall.” He said.
“Absolutely. I will contact the guest immediately.” I said. I hung up the phone and waited for his next call. It took him five minutes.
“I thought you were going to get that person to turn down their television.” He said.
“I am sorry about this. I did contact the room, but the guest did not answer my call. Is there still noise coming from that room?” I asked.
“Would I be calling again if it was quiet?” He scolded.
“Okay, I will go knock on his door.” I hung up the phone, and very slowly walked up the stairs. I made it to the room with the television, and I knocked a few times. The man who I was playing with came out to see me.
“Is he answering?” He asked.
“Unfortunately, he isn’t.” I said, apologetically.
“Well, go the fuck in there, then.” He demanded.
“Sir. I cannot just walk into a guest room.” I informed him.
“What the hell am I supposed to do about sleep?” He yelled at me.
“I suppose I can change your room.” I said.
“Well hurry up and get it done. I want to sleep!” He demanded.
“Sure, no problem. Just come on back to the desk, and I will set you up with a new room.” I said.
He reluctantly agreed, and I went downstairs to set him up with a new room while he gathered his things. Once he returned to my desk, I had a new room set up for him on a different floor. He snatched his new room keys from me, and made a demand.
“You are gonna discount my room for this.” He demanded.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t just give you a discount. The bill is going to your employer. I have no discounts to offer you.” I reminded him.
He left me at the desk, but not before making sure I knew how mad he was.
“You can go fuck yourself. I have never experienced anything like this at any hotel, ever!” He said.
I waited five minutes after he left me, and then I returned to that empty room to turn off the television. There were no more issues during the night. I had so much fun.

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