I Hate Drunk People


November 8, 2015 3:00am

The whole night at work was quiet, and boring. I started the audit at 2:50am. Why wait ten minutes? The entire audit process completed itself at 3:00 exactly, and all I had left to do was print and email the audit reports, and then print, and deliver the bills for the guests who will be checking out later this morning. While the last of the reports were printing, I decided to make a cup of coffee. Luckily I made a fresh pot just before the audit, so it is nice and hot, and I won’t have to make another pot before Luna arrives, which I usually have made by 4:00am.

I was taking my first sip of coffee while walking back to my desk, when I saw a police car pull up to the door. I had hoped it was just a random stop to use the bathroom, and grab some free coffee, but after he stepped out of his car, he walked to the passenger door, and let out a very drunk 50-year-old white woman. The two of them walked through the doorway. Shit! I hate when people show up after the audit is done.
“From the looks of your parking lot, I would imagine that you have plenty of rooms available. Is that right?” Said the police officer.
“I’m sure I can find something.” I replied.
The drunk woman was leaning against the far end of the counter; she looked miserable. The police officer walked up to the woman.
“Okay, this is your chance to stay out of jail for the night.” He said to the woman. Why are you making this drunk person my problem?
I opened up the reservation screen, and set it up for day use, which would not only give her a room until 11:00am, but also screw up the list of dirty rooms for housekeeping to clean.
“Okay, just give me a moment to set this up properly.” I said.
“She just needs a place to sleep for a few hours until the booze wears off.” He said to me. The woman started pulling some cash out from her purse. “I gotta go back to my patrol.” He said to me as he walked back to his car, and drove away. You asshole! It says hotel on the building. Not drunk adult babysitting club!
“I can get you in a room until 11:00am, at a rate of $59.00.” I said to her.
“Can’t you do anything cheaper?” The woman asked.
“I’m sorry, that is as low as I can go. The normal rate would be $89.00. I am offering you a $30.00 discount.” I told her. The woman rummaged through her purse for more cash. “I just need to see your I.D., and a credit card.”
“ I don’t have a credit card.” She said. I knew she was going to say that.
This is where the conversation started to get annoying. I had a drunk woman with no credit card, and the lazy cop who passed her off to me, just drove away.
“I’m sorry, but I need a credit card to put on file. I can’t make you a reservation without one.” I said, as politely as I could.
“But the cop just dropped me off. I don’t have anywhere else to go.” She complained.
“I am very sorry about the inconvenience, but even if you can pay cash, I need to put a credit card on file.” I told her.
“I’ll pay extra!” She said, desperately.
“I’m sorry, but I will still need a valid credit card to put on file.” I said.
“Why do I need a credit card, when I have cash?” She asked.
“Because I need something on file that I can charge for incidentals. If you were to damage the room in any way, we need a valid credit card that we can charge for the damage.” I said.
“I promise not to break anything.” She said. The last person who said that to me left her heroin needles and blood all over the bed sheets.
“There is really nothing that I can do. If you can’t give me a credit card, then I am afraid I can’t give you a room.” I said, as politely as I could.
The woman instantly got mad at me.
“Well fuck you then!” She shouted.
“Ma’am, can you please keep your voice down?” There are people with valid credit cards, who weren’t dropped off by a lazy cop who is avoiding doing his job, who are trying to sleep in their rooms.
“How about I calm the fuck down after you give me a room to sleep in, like the cop said!” She shouted again. Me and that cop are not friends anymore. Lazy bastard. I hate drunk people.
“There is another hotel right across the street from here. You can see it is on the other side of the parking lot. Maybe they can get you in a room.” I said, keeping myself calm.
The woman, still leaning against the counter for support, started talking to me in a more gentle tone. She was going for sympathy.
“Okay, listen. I don’t want to get into my personal life, but the reason that cop dropped me off here is because I was involved in a domestic dispute. It isn’t safe for me to go home. Please, just please give me a room. I’m begging you. You don’t want to send me back to an abusive situation do you?” She said, like a pro. Shit! Now I’m starting to feel like an asshole.
“So your husband is being abusive?” I asked, with sympathy in my voice.
“No. I threatened to stab my boyfriend in the throat for smoking my pot.” She said. Holy shit! Get this psycho out of my hotel!
“And the cop didn’t arrest you for that?” I asked.“We said it was my cigarettes, and the cop told me I could stay out of jail if I found a place to stay for the rest of the night.” She said. I meant the throat stabbing part. Why didn’t he arrest you for that part? I don’t need a crazy drunk lady stabbing my guests in the throat. Not during my shift.
“I suggest you try the hotel across the street. There isn’t anything that I can do to help you without a credit card.” I said.
The woman started to cry and beg me to change my mind.
“Please just give me a room. I’ll do anything. Just don’t kick me out.” She cried out. I really hope that cop checked her for weapons.
“If I could make the reservation without a credit card, then I would, but I simply cannot do anything without one. I’m sorry, but you will have to try the other hotel.” I said.
“And how the hell am I supposed to get there?” She cried out some more
“You can walk there. It is located right across the street. It is visible as soon as you walk through those doors.” I said, as I pointed towards the exit.
The woman grabbed her purse and walked outside. I was happy to have gotten rid of her, and I needed to finish my paperwork so I could move on to delivering bills, and then relaxing until the end of my shift. Besides, I will have Luna to deal with soon. I don’t want to have to deal with two crazy people at the same time.
I wasn’t able to get all the emails out before the woman stumbled back through the doors. Why me? I looked at her without saying a thing.
“Hi.” She said. I still refused to speak. “So, I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. I really need a room, and that other place won’t let me have one without a credit card.” She said. Duh, that’s because nobody wants to risk their jobs by giving a room to a crazy person who likes to stab people in the throat. Especially when they don’t have a valid credit card.
“Did you tell him that going home means stabbing someone in the throat?” That was probably a poor choice of words.
“I don’t need a knife to stab someone in the throat.” She said, in a threatening tone.
I pulled the pepper spray out of the drawer, and held it in my hand.
“I don’t have stand next to you to empty this whole container of pepper spray in your face.” I said, and then grinned.
The woman stood there staring at me. She was contemplating her next move.
“I am going to call the police, and tell them that you threatened me.” She said.
“Would you like me to dial the number for you?” I asked. “I am sure they will send the same officer who dropped you off here, and I am pretty sure he will just take you right to jail without asking too many questions.” I said.
She looked at me for about thirty seconds, then she took her bag and walked out the door again. And stay out! I gathered the room bills, and arranged them in the correct order from the top floor down. Dropping off the bills only took me six minutes. When I finished placing them under the doors, I decided to do what I often do after getting my work done. I went outside to walk around the perimeter. I like the fresh air, plus it is nice to walk around after sitting for four hours. When I got to the side of the building where the main part of our parking lot is, I saw that drunk woman checking every car for an open door. Did I mention I hate drunk people? I yelled at her to stop.
“Hey! Get away from those cars, now!” I yelled.
The woman stopped, and glanced at me for a moment. I pointed towards the parking lot exit.
“Leave now or I am calling the police to get you out of here!” I said.
The woman ran across the parking lot, and sat down behind a large pillar that is in front of the sporting goods store that shares a parking lot with this hotel. I walked back inside, and watched her from the window in the dining room. After waiting five minutes, the woman went back to checking cars. I called the police, and the same cop who dropped her off, showed up with a female officer to back him up. The female police officer grabbed the woman’s arm, and spun her around, pushing her against her car. She put handcuffs on the woman, and then patted her down before putting the woman in the back of her car. The male officer walked in the building, and I told him about her threatening to stab me in the throat, and then I explained that she was trying to break into cars.
“Shit. I was trying to avoid having to take her in.” He said to me. Poor guy. Now you have to do your job.
“Next time you are going to drop off a drunk person at a hotel, instead of taking them to jail, you might want to make sure they have a valid credit card on them. I won’t give anyone a room without one.” I said.
The officer nodded and walked back outside. He spoke to the female officer for a few minutes, and they both drove away, each in their own vehicles.

Luna arrived at 4:30am. She was grumpy, and she approached me at the desk with her usual box of donuts.
“I brought more donuts for people who I like. Do you think I like you enough to offer you one?” She asked, with her usual negative tone.
“I am guessing the answer will be no.” I said, not really interested in listening to her this morning.
“If you can guess if there are any apple fritters in this box, then maybe I will consider letting you have one.” She said.
“I am guessing there is at least one apple fritter in the box. I am also guessing that you will not let me have it.” I said.
“You guessed correctly, and you also guessed the second part correctly.” She said with a grin.
I pulled out the can of pepper spray and put it on the desk.
“If you can close your eyes and open your mouth, I will spray this breath freshener in your mouth and you can guess what flavor it is.” I said with the same asshole grin on my face.
Luna took her box of donuts, and walked herself over to the pantry.

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