The Drunk Guy And His Dog


November 4, 2015 11:30pm

I just started my shift half an hour ago. When I arrived, I noticed a pizza box sitting on the counter behind the divider wall at the desk. My co-worker said the pizza place next to us brought us free pizza, and that I could feel free to take what I want. After finishing my reports, I opened the pizza box. I found layers. The top layer had two big calzones, beneath the calzones there was a whole cheese pizza, and beneath that pizza was a whole buffalo chicken pizza. Who doesn’t love layers of free food? I put a calzone in the cookie oven to heat it back up, and put the rest in my car to take home. I considered leaving some for my co-workers to have tomorrow, but then I remembered that they always take the pizza delivery sign in sheets that we can use to get a free pizza when a whole page is signed by the delivery people. Those bastards always pocket them to use in the future to get a free meal without having to share.

My night was going pretty well, until room 215 called my desk. From that point, things started to get annoying.
“I thought this is supposed to be a pet free hotel.” The woman in 215 said to me.
“That is correct. This hotel does not allow pets.” I said. I guess this means someone has a dog in the building.
“Whoever is in the room next to mine has a dog, and it is barking. Not only that, but I have allergies, and I can’t be around dogs.” She said.
I looked at the in-house guest list, and saw that room 213 was occupied, but room 217 was vacant.
“Okay, the barking is coming from room 213?” I asked.
“Yes. Please do something about it.” She said.
“I will contact that room right now.” I said, and she hung up the phone without saying another word. Rude.
I called room 213, but I got the rooms voice mail. I waited a few minutes, and called the room a second time. I got the voice mail again. I had no choice but to put on my invisible investigation hat, and go on an adventure to room 213. After checking for the name of the guest, I went upstairs. The room was quiet when I arrived in front of the door. I stood there for a few moments just to listen for any sounds, but I didn’t hear anything. I knocked on the door.
“Hello, sir? This is your friendly front desk agent.” I said.
Something in the room moved towards the door, and then I heard the sound of something sniffing the bottom of the door. Yup, it’s a dog. I knocked again; calling for the person to please answer the door, but all I got in return was a growl. Suddenly the woman staying in room 215 opened her door and stuck her head out.
“I told you there’s a dog here.” She said. She reminded me of a nosy neighbor who pays too much attention to the activities of her neighbors, and then skillfully spreads around neighborhood gossip.
“I think you are right about that.” I said.
She stood in her doorway watching me as I knocked on the door again, and asked the person to please answer the door. I heard more growling. I knocked again, and it was followed by the same growling sound. Something about it seemed odd to me. I could feel the woman in 215 watching me, but it felt more like she was analyzing my every move, and judging me. I knocked another time.
“Hello, sir? Are you okay in there? Can you answer me?” I asked loudly.
The woman from 215 gasped.
“Oh my God. Do you think something is wrong? Maybe he had a heart attack, or a stroke.” She asked, a bit over dramatically.
“I’m sure everything is just fine.” I said. Thanks, lady. Now I feel concerned that there might be a dead guy in the room. I don’t need that kind of stress.
I couldn’t keep pounding on the door, that would piss off the rest of the guests on the floor, and I couldn’t ignore there being a barking dog in the room all night. I considered opening the door, but I didn’t care for the idea that I might get attacked by a dog. Unless the dog ate his owner, making him too full to bother with attacking me.
“Do you think we should call 911?” Asked the woman. We? I work alone.
“I don’t think that is necessary.” I said.
I decided that I was going to have to check the room. The possibility that there was someone in the room who was unable to respond bothered me more than the idea of the dog being in the room. Since I also didn’t want to get attacked by a dog, I went back to my desk, and retrieved some pepper spray. I figured if the dog was going to be an asshole, I should have something to safely get it to back off if needed.
When I arrived back to the 2nd floor, there was a drunk man with a gray beard a few doors down from where I entered the hallway. I watched him put his key-card in a door lock, but it didn’t work. He moved to the next door, and tried his key again, but the key didn’t work again. The man was going to every single door, trying to get his key to work. I walked right up to him.
“Is there something that I can help you with?” I asked.
The man looked at me. He held his key-card in front of my face, and almost knocked me out with his whiskey breath as he spoke with entirely too much volume.
“I forgot which room is mine. I figured this key will open one of the doors, and that would be my room. I just gotta find it.” He said.
I couldn’t keep letting him try every single door like that, and there was no way for me to find out which door his key was programmed for without using the key reader at the desk, downstairs. I decided to ask him for his name, and to my surprise, he happened to be the man I was looking for! I walked him to room 213, and watched him successfully use his key. The man opened the door and he was happily greeted by a chocolate lab who barked with excitement. The woman staying in 215 had her head back in the hallway in no time. I looked at her and motioned for her to go back into her room. She nodded and pulled her head back into the room, but she left the door open a crack so she could listen in.
“Sir, are you aware that this is a pet free hotel?” I asked.
The man got angry with me.
“Aw hell! Not you too. I suppose you are gonna tell me that I have to leave.” He shouted.
“No. I won’t ask you to leave, but I do have to ask you to put your dog in your vehicle for the night.” I said, assuming that was a fair compromise. I didn’t want to tell a drunk man to get in his car and drive away.
“Listen pal. I ain’t walking back out there. I am going to sleep, and that is that.” He said with authority in his voice.
“Sir, may I please enter the room so we can have a quiet discussion about this without involving the other hotel guests?” I asked.
The man stepped aside, and I walked into the room, closing the door behind me. His dog jumped on me, and started licking my hands as I pushed him off.
“He likes you.” Said the man.
“Sir, when you checked into the hotel, you signed a paper agreeing to the no pet policy. I am going to have to ask you to take your dog to your car. We have guests staying here who have complained about the dog barking while you were gone, and some of the guests have pet allergies.” I said.
“I don’t remember signing anything agreeing to that.” He said.
“I have the paper in my files. I can prove that you did sign it.” I said.
“It’s the law that you can’t kick people out for needing their pets. This is discrimination.” He said.
“Are you saying that this is a service dog?” I asked
“It’s my seeing eye dog.” He claimed.
“So you are blind? You were just wandering through the hotel without your dog. Are you sure you want to stick with that story?” I asked.
“I only need his help when my condition acts up.” He claimed.
“You have an eyesight condition?” I asked.
“Sometimes my vision gets fuzzy.” He said. That is the alcohol.
“Don’t you have a vehicle in the parking lot?” I asked.
“Why?” He asked.
“If you have problems seeing, and you need a seeing eye dog, then how can you drive?” I asked.
“He helps me find my way. Now stop asking me questions.” He scolded me.
“I find this fascinating. So you are sometimes blind, but sometimes not blind, and your dog helps you drive. This belongs on the news. You have an extremely talented dog.” I said.
The man looked at me funny. He was confused, and unsure how to respond.
All he said was, “Yup.”
I laughed, and leaned against the wall.
“Okay, here is what is going to have to happen. You can either put your dog in your car, or I will have to ask you to leave. I don’t want you driving drunk, so if you refuse to put your dog in your car, I will be forced to call the cops, and ask them to escort you out of the building. The cops are not going to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle while you are drunk, so they will take you to jail, and have someone from animal control take your very friendly dog.” I said.
The man took his car keys and threw them at me.
“If you want him out of here so bad, then you do it. It’s the Dodge van in the spot next to that store.” He said.
“Okay.” I said.
I had no problem putting the dog in his van for him. It meant resolving the issue immediately without any more problems. There was a leash on the desk and I picked it up. The dog ran right up to me. He was clearly excited about the idea of going for a walk. I put the leash on the him, and walked out with the dog. The woman in 215 popped her head back into the hallway.
“What happened? Where is the guy? Why do you have his dog?” She asked.
“I told him that if he didn’t behave, I was going to have to take away his dog and he couldn’t have it back until after school.” I said with a chuckle.
The woman didn’t seem to understand my humor.
“You can do that?” She asked.
“You won’t have any more issues with the dog. I am going to find him a nice family to take him in.” I said.
“You’re giving away his dog?” She asked with surprise in her voice.
“Don’t worry. I am sure I can find him a better home. This is just like that time last week when I handed that kid over to that nice family who I am sure is taking very good care of him.” I said with a big grin.
The woman put her hand over her mouth and I watched her eyes grow wider.
“I’m kidding. I agreed to put the dog in his car. Sleep well, ma’am.” I said.
She shut her door, and I took the dog outside. I found the van, and the dog jumped right in once I opened the door. I went back inside to fill a bucket with some water, and returned to the van to leave the dog a drink. I even cracked open a window for fresh air, and left the dog to chill in the van. When I went back inside, I put the van keys in an envelope and left it on the desk to return to the man in the morning.

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