I Think I Broke His Brain


September 2, 2015 11:00pm

I was driving to work, and I noticed that the moon was very orange. It reminded me of a filter placed over a camera lens. There were no clouds in the sky that I could see, and being in a city that is well-lit all night long there are now visible stars, so that moon looked like a big lonely body in space that was attempting to attract attention. I was mesmerized for a few moments when I got out of my car. I just stood there looking at this bright orange moon that suddenly took on a new personality. I did not want to walk into the hotel. I just wanted to look at the moon. Being mildly colorblind; I found that moon to be one of the most interesting things that I have ever seen.

Work is necessary, and I had to go inside. I walked in ten minutes early. I saw Tom was the desk attendant who worked second shift. Tom put in his notice and left this hotel several months ago, and I couldn’t have been happier about it. When I was told that he was rehired, I went into the woods and kicked the crap out of a dead fallen tree. He is only 19, and thinks he is privileged. He personally has no more money than he earns at work, but his Grandparents are wealthy, and they gave him their used BMW when they decided to get themselves a new one. He likes telling people that he earned that car through hard work and saving. I just happened to be nearby one day when his parents came in to deliver him his lunch, and they decided to remind him that he needs to show more appreciation for his Grandparents for giving him that car. That was devastating to his ego, but it has not prevented him from speaking down to me as if I am not worthy of his intelligence. He self inflates his ego. I have fun bursting it. I believe we all need someone to burst our egos every now and again.

I walked past the desk where Tom was standing. I didn’t even look at him. He watched me walk by, and when I walked through the office door, and I could smell his take out container that he put in the office garbage can. Tom started doing that thing that I hate about him. He spoke to me.
“You know, a hello is considered polite when people have to interact with each other.”
“Hello Tommy. Did your Mommy and Daddy bring you that take out that will stink up the office all night because you chose to toss it into the office garbage can instead of the one in the laundry room that has a lid and will not bother your co-workers?”
“If it bothers you so much, then maybe you should do something about it instead of complaining.”
“That was a question, not a complaint. I will do something about it, because I will not sit here smelling your fried buffalo chicken sandwich all night.”
“Stop calling me Tommy.”
“OK Tommy boy.”
Tom walked away from me and went into the laundry room, which is where the time clock is located. I heard it beep as he clocked out. After Tom clocked out he gathered his things and started walking around to the other side of the counter to go out the doors. The phone started ringing and I just looked at him. I could see that it was another hotel looking for our room sales and not a potential guest.
“Aren’t you going to answer the phone Thomas?” He looked at me like I was some kind of moron.
“No. I clocked out and it is your turn to work.” The phone kept ringing.
“Well you just clocked out ten minutes early, and I am not clocked in yet. Now get your ass back here and do you job.”
Tom turned around and walked back to the desk. By the time he picked up the phone, it stopped ringing. Tom gave me an angry look, and tried scolding me.
“What the hell is your problem? You can’t just answer a phone?”
“Well Mr. Thomas, what reason do you have to walk out of here so quickly before I am clocked in? Did you forget that we need to communicate any issues or necessary information before you leave for the night?”
I walked away from him to clock in. Once I was on the clock I returned to the desk to continue our conversation. I looked at the arrivals bucket, and saw that it was empty.
“No more arrivals I see.”
“You actually have two more arrivals left.”
“Why are there no folios in the arrival bucket?”
“Do you need me to do your work for you now?”
“No Tommy Thomas Tom. I do my job very well, and you can read the guest comments that will back that up. I just expect you to do your job, which is to print the folios, assign the rooms and make the keys for incoming arrivals.” I opened the arrivals list on the computer. He tried responding like a pain in the ass know it all.
“As a matter of fact, that is the first shift persons job, and not mine. Will you please just call me Tom?”
The arrivals list showed that both of the incoming reservations were made by Tom during his shift.
“So is it the morning persons job to somehow psychically know that two people were going to make reservations during your shift, and somehow magically know their names and address and credit card numbers? You made the reservations Tommy. Why would you even try to use that excuse?”
“Are you saying it is too difficult for you to print two papers and make keys for them?”
“Not at all Tom Tom. I will get that done very quickly. It will take me no time at all.”
“Then the the hell is your issue here?”
“You Mr. Tommy, are too lazy to do the most simple tasks of your job. Did you count the drawer?”
“Yes. Why would you have to ask that?”
“The other day you told me the drawer was $9.00 over, but when I counted it, there was an extra $219.00 in it. How did you miss the other $210.00? I will just tell you how. You never counted the drawer. Will the drawer be correct today?”
“You know what? I don’t need to let you talk to me this way.”
“Here’s the thing, I am talking to you this way, and you have been letting me this whole time.”
“You think you are going to be able to dictate the flow of this discussion. Well you are wrong my friend.”
“I have been in control of the flow of this discussion from the moment you complained about me not saying hello.” Tom blinked about five times. I think I broke is brain. I snapped my fingers in front of his eyes. “Hello? Ground control to Major Tom?”
“I hate you.”
“You and Luna should start a support group.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“You’re fat. Is there any other obvious shit you would like to point out?”
He was becoming visibly angry.
“You are not exactly thin you know!” I smiled at that.
“I know, but the ladies love cuddling up with all this.” I motioned my hands in front of my body like a Price is Right model.
“Why are you being a dick?”
“I’m bored, and my name is Michael. Dick is my Grandfather.”
Toms eyes blinked another five times in a row. I definitely broke his brain. He shrugged his shoulders. Tom had noting left to say to me. I waved a hand in front of his face.
“Bye Felecia.”
Tom scowled at me, and then walked briskly away. He stormed out of the building as fast as he could.

Some day I will pay for having this much fun.

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