August 23, 2015 5:00a.m.
Luna is at work. She arrived an hour early yet again; walking through the doors with her usual Sunday morning box of Byrne Dairy doughnuts. I prefer doughnuts from the Green Hills Grocery store, but this isn’t about me, or my love for sticky apple fritters. Instead of Luna taking her usual path directly to the pantry, she walked right up to my desk and placed the box of doughnuts on the counter in front of me. Then she pushed it to the side.
“Those aren’t for you.” She said. I glanced at the box, and then back at her face.
“I would never be able to eat a dozen doughnuts anyways.” I paused for a moment, then spoke again. “Do you have any apple fritters?” Luna placed a hand on top of the box.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” She picked the box back up. “These are for the people who I like here.”
“So you bought yourself a dozen doughnuts? I mean, I don’t mean to be rude here, but you said that those are only for the people who you like. The only person here that you like is yourself. You said people, which is plural, and means more than one person. So it is safe to assume that you are referring to yourself as more than one person. Are you telling me you have a personality disorder? Are you telling me that you are a religious deity? Or are you calling yourself a fat-ass?” Luna looked at me with a scowl on her face.
“You are just trying to be hurtful now, and I will not let you bother me.” She pointed her nose towards the ceiling like she was snubbing me.
“You just shoved a box of doughnuts under my nose just so you could inform me that I wasn’t allowed to have any. Rude. Hey! Do you remember that time you told me to go fuck myself in front of that guest? Oh! Do you remember that time you lied to a guest by telling him that I forgot to replace the cranberry juice because he complained about it being gone, and you didn’t want to admit that you just accidentally forgot to refill it? Oh, wait! Do you remember that time that you told a guest that I would lower his rate, and then I had to explain to him that you don’t have the authority to do that? Do you remember that time you tried making that new part time girl believe that you were a manager?” I chuckled like a jolly old fat man. “Do you remember that? Ooh! How about that time that you lied to me about the van keys going missing, and I called someone at 5 in the morning to find out where they were, just to discover you magically driving the van. Do you remember that one? I asked you where you found the keys and you just told me not to worry about it. Do you remember that one Luna?”
Luna’s face turned dark red. Considering that I am colorblind, I found that shade of red to be quite impressive. She turned around and started walking away from me with her box. Just as she was passing the divider wall that separates the dining room from the lobby, she stopped and turned back towards me.
“I don’t know why they hired a person like you for this job. You are very mean.”
“I interview well, people like me, I have experience working with people, I’m very polite, and I have a very well written resume. Overall, people find me to be very entertaining. They love my ability to make them laugh, and I make people feel safe and comfortable. I am a likeable guy, and I look great in a tie.” I smiled at Luna. Luna opened the box of doughnuts, took out a chocolate glaze, and took a single bite out of it. She followed that by sticking her middle finger up at me, and walked away.
August 23, 2015 5:00a.m.