Does The Hotel Even Have A Peanut Butter Rate?


July 30, 2015 5:00am

We did not sell out at the hotel, but we came close. My only person left to check in arrived at midnight. He was surprised when I handed him the paper to sign because the agreement says that the hotel is non-smoking.
“I’m confused. This says no smoking anywhere in the building.”
“Yes. The entire hotel is non-smoking. You have to go outside to smoke.”
“That’s great. I like that, but when I booked with the travel agent they told me that the hotel would do their best to accommodate me with a non smoking room for $139.00, or I could pay $145.00 to guarantee me a non-smoking room.”
“Like I said. This entire hotel is non-smoking. I have no clue why that travel agency charged you more for non-smoking. I suggest you contact them and ask them why they charged you more.”
“Well aren’t you guys charging me? Can you change the rate?”
“I can’t. It’s because you booked with a third party. They set your rate, and you are paying them for the room. I cannot alter your agreement with that third party.”
“So basically the travel agent ripped me off.”
“Yup.”
“And you can’t change my rate?”
“I cannot, but what I can do is take your complaint that the room smells funny and then I can change your room to a suite. We only have suites available, and they cost near the same as you were charged for a standard room. Sooooooo, all you have to do is tell me your room stinks and I will be forced to upgrade your room.”
“My room stinks.”
“Geez I am sorry to hear this. It is terrible when people are unhappy with their rooms. It looks like I have a two queen suite available. Would yo like that? It comes with a fold out couch, a microwave, and refrigerator. No extra charge. Just to make sure you understand, all rooms come with a complimentary hot breakfast every morning.”
“Hey that sounds great! You should get paid more.”
“Listen buddy, don’t play with my emotions like that. I can upgrade your room with a nice joke or two, but let’s face it. You won’t get me a raise by joking that I should get one. Unless you decided to write a nice letter to my employer telling them how super duper amazingly awesome I am.” I gave an exaggerated wink. He laughed at me. I made him his new room keys and changed his paperwork to show he has the new room.

A short time later a man walked in and asked for a room. I explained that we have suites available, and they are $140.00.
“Holy shit. I just need two beds for me and my kids for a couple hours. Can you do better?”
“Well, do you have AAA? That would make the room $130.00”
“I don’t, but that is still expensive.”
“Are you or any of your two very young children members of the military?”
“No.” He laughed at that.
“How about a government job?” I looked at his son who looked about 10 years old. “Hey kid, do you work for uncle Sam?” The kid gave me a look that means he thinks I am strange. Then he shook his head no. “Well geez, I am unsure what other rate I can offer….Do any of you like peanut butter?” The man spoke up.
“What does peanut butter have to do with rates? I mean, we all eat peanut butter. We travel with some in the car.” I cut him off.
“Wow me too! I love peanut butter. You know, I like to put some peanut butter in a bowl, and mix in some olive oil, lemon juice, sriracha sauce, a little salt and pepper, and some honey. It makes a great peanut sauce and goes great on chicken. You know Mr. I feel like we really just bonded just now. It’s as if I have known you for ever. I want to help you out since we are now homeboys. I can get you a rate of $119.00 since you won’t be a full night, and my employer wants me to sell sell sell! Will that work for you, old pal?”
“You’re a strange guy, but that is a much better price.”
“Great! I will put you in the two queen suite. Just let me see that credit card, and give me your information so I can get you guys into your room.”
Everyone got the rooms they wanted, and nobody threatened to do me harm, or assaulted themselves out of pure rage. I would say this has been a good shift.

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