Pete Can’t Stay Here

June 2, 2013 6:00am

The door opened and a 50-year-old man with a large Great Dane on a leash walked through the door. I just looked at the dog. It was huge and looked almost silver, but more Grey. The man stopped in front of my desk and the Great Dane just sat next to him. It was looking at me with its head turned to the side. I resisted the urge to call him Marmaduke.
“We need a room.” The man said. I gave him a quick apologetic smile.
“I’m sorry we don’t allow pets in this hotel. I can recommend one of our other locations that are pet-friendly.” Like, everyone, I have to give bad news to he got irritated.
“But I was under the impression you accepted pets.” People always sound like they are accusing me personally of being dishonest with them as if at some point I personally made that very individual a promise and just now took it back.
“I do understand it can be difficult to find good pet-friendly hotels these days, especially while on the road. Unfortunately, this hotel does not allow pets, but we do have a location that does. I can contact them and reserve a room for you there if you want.”
“Is it located near the way I’m headed?” He asked.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“I’m driving to Canada to go fishing. I don’t want to stray away from this highway.”
“Unfortunately the other location is on the other side of the city going west. It’s about 30 minutes from here.” His expression changed from being curious to surprise. His eyes opened wide when I told him this. I often find it interesting just how white peoples eyeballs actually are.
“Well, this is some bullshit.” Back to that accusation tone again. I just told him the wrong truth. I can’t help but hear Jack Nicholson’s voice in my head. You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! “If you are the same company then you should have the same policies. I’m tired of driving. I just drove up from Georgia. I ain’t gonna keep driving all night.” Maybe he should have left sooner. Georgia is about a 15-hour drive from here. Canada is only a couple of hours from here. Clearly, I don’t know this mans schedule, but if he left this morning then he would be in Canada by now.
“I can’t give you a room if you are bringing your dog in the room with you.”
“This is bullshit. I think you just don’t want to rent me a room.”
“I have no problems with you needing a room. I just can’t let you have your dog in the building.”
“Are you telling me I have to take my dog outside right now?”
“Even if I pay the pet fee?”
“Sir we don’t have a pet fee.”
“Well that’s great, then I want a room.”
“Sir we don’t have a pet fee because we don’t allow pets. If you are planning to stay here then, unfortunately, you will have to leave your dog in your vehicle. I don’t think that is something you want to do.”
“This is bullshit!” Do people actually expect something to change by repeating that? Will saying something is bullshit make it not bullshit anymore because they called it bullshit 3 times? Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice! Nothing happened there either. It turns out saying something three times doesn’t make stuff happen. He asked. “What hotels on this highway will take pets?”
“As far as other hotels going north I have no clue what will or will not take pets. I can only tell you that this location does not and the only other location related to us that will take pets is on the other side of the city. I cannot speak for other businesses. I am not associated with them.”
“So you’re just gonna make me leave?”
“Yes please.”
“You know what?”
“What’s that sir?”
“I’m gonna let Pete shit on your lawn.”
“OK, everyone has to poop. I am sure the maintenance guy will pick it up in the morning.”
He looked disappointed that I wasn’t asking him not to let his dog poop on the property. As long as it isn’t in the lobby then I don’t care. He just said. “Come on Pete, the north don’t like our kind.” He gave me a dirty look in hopes I would have a comeback; then he left. I was a bit surprised he didn’t have a mullet.


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